Where's the Happy Medium?

So many people tell me that my boys (and now they include Mie) look so much alike. Some have even asked if they're twins....generally when they are seated; otherwise that two foot height difference would be glaring. I don't really get it. They look entirely different to me. But aside from their physical differences, their personalities are even more disparate.

When Jarom is given criticism or spoken harshly to he completely shuts down. His shoulders hunch inward like he's trying to hide and his face actually, physically, gets longer. He often tells me about one kid or another at school who was mean to him and constantly questions if he's liked by others. I'm always trying to boost his confidence and help him remember that kids often say things they don't mean and it doesn't make them not friends anymore. While other little boys usually shrug off fights he holds onto them and it makes him shy.

On the other hand, Keahi has no problems with his self esteem. With so many people telling him how smart he is all his life, his ego is rock solid. Last week at scouts, somebody spilled a bunch of popcorn outside on the sidewalk. When the leader told the boys to clean it up, they all gathered it up and threw it away. Except Keahi. He picked it up and popped it in his mouth. When the boys all went ewwwww-that's-so-gross, Keahi shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't care. It tastes good."

If that had happened to Jarom he would have shrunk in on himself and not participated in the rest of the activities. But for Keahi, nobody can shake his ego. On the one hand it drives me nuts when he always assumes he's right and won't take my word for it. And he's always been like that. No, really. Before he could talk, I taught him baby sign and he loved to grab my head and point it in whatever direction he wanted so he could sign to me about what he saw. Once he pointed and signed cat. I looked and told him, "No, it's a dog. It's called a chihuahua." He looked again, then looked back at me, shook his head, and re-signed cat. Even then, he thought he knew everything.

Of course, the upside of his belief in himself is he'll never cave to peer pressure. If anybody tells him smoking is cool, he'll give them that same look he gave me after assessing the catness of that chihuahua and tell them they're crazy for destroying their lungs. And because he values his mind so highly, he'll never use drugs. In fact, after watching some guys do some extreme biking on the ramps, he declared that he'd never do that because he could crack his head. So no worries about him taking extreme risks.

As for Jarom, his extreme sensitivity can also be his strength. Unlike his brother who seldom thinks about others, Jarom tells and shows that he loves you. I love his random hugs and whispered I Love Yous. I love that he is excited to see his sister every single time. He says, "She really is the cutest baby in the world to me." Once when he was upset about something I told him to look at his sister because she always cheers him up. But he responded that she was too cute for him to look at her when he was mad. He should only show her his happy face. He always tells Keahi that he's awesome and smart (probably not helping with his inflated ego). And at Costco he wanted us to buy some lilies because he said they were my favorite. Just think what a great husband he'll make someday.

I just wish the boys could rub off on eachother. If only Keahi could gain some of Jarom's compassion and Jarom could gain some of Keahi's confidence. Ah well, maybe Mie will be the happy medium.